Tired

Not pregnancy tired, or sleepy tired (even though I haven't got that much sleep the past few nights), but tired of living in two different places.  Tired of spending Monday thru Friday looking forward to the weekend so I can see my sweetie.  Not that everyone else doesn't look forward to the weekends; everyone enjoys the two days off.  But I'm tired of feeling slightly anxious/on edge, feeling like I'm just killing time.  I feel restless & edgy.  It sucks.  I'm not normally an anxious person (and it sucks!).  I spend the week looking forward to the weekend, and half the weekend dreading the upcoming week.  We were not meant to live like this.  Sometimes I think it would be easier if we didn't see each other on the weekends.  I think I could get used to being gone, but it's unsettling to go back & forth, never really feeling like you belong anywhere.

I live in someone else's house mon-fri, and I'm basically visiting someone else on the weekends.  It's disconcerting.  Blah.  I think I'll just chalk it up to pregnancy hormones & call it good.  No use wasting time moping about something that's not going to change.  Time to find some way to look at the bright side of things.  Not sure what that is at the moment, but I'm sure there's a blessing in all of this.  And my two favorite sayings are always helpful.
"Life's a bitch and then you die", and "everything works out in the end.  If it's not ok, it's not the end, cuz everything works out it the end".

Real uplifting, and a wonderful example of circular logic, but they pretty much apply to any situation & it's my way of accepting & dealing with the daily sh*t.  My own blend of realism and optimism.

First Doctor's Appointment

My first doctor's appointment is this afternoon at 2:50.  I have to admit, I'm really nervous.  An actual doctor's appointment makes this pregnancy seem like more of a reality.  Since I'm not showing or anything, it's hard to believe that there's an actual little somebody in there.  Since I've done three home pregnancy tests, I'm pretty sure there is but...

I think we're going to tell people this weekend.  I was really hoping my grandparents would come for Easter, but Aunt Denise is doing something.  I want to tell them in person, so we'll have to figure out the logistics of that.  I'm hoping mom will have some good ideas.  I'm a bit scared of telling mom & dad.  Things have been a little tense (between them) lately & I'm not sure how they'll react.  Mom's going through some hormonal stuff herself.  And I never thought I'd be pregnant and living with my parents.  I hope they take it well.  Seeing how much mom enjoys having Mason, and how much she's willing to change her schedule for him & Nathan & Rachel is encourageing.  But still, that's a lot different than living with a baby full time.  I'm having visions of a full melt down/you can't live here anymore scenario.  I'm fairly certain they're completely ridiculous, but still.

Last night, mom & dad were working outside on the yard.  I wasn't feeling the best & I'm fairly certian mom was expecting my help.  Luckily, I needed to finish a few things up with the books for dad's business. Didn't get done with those until mom & dad were close to being done.  Turned out to be good timing. 
And now I'm just rambling.

Good News

Holy freaking shit!  I am pregnant.  Not that that should be a huge surprise since I took a pregnancy test on sat (march 31), but I just talked to a nurse at the doctor's office.  I'm 9 weeks along.  NINE!!!!!  Cue complete freak out. 

Zack & I discussed how long we should wait b4 telling people since generally 12 weeks is considered the "safe" date.  I had no idea I was so close to that.  Freakout commencing.
Do you wait for a doctor's appt to confirm before telling people?  I would like to talk to my sisters-in laws to see who they used for a doctor (to make an appt) but if I ask, they know something's up.
Eeks.  I want to talk to someone.

And this is why no one knows I have a blog

I skipped writing about quite a few adventures, such as Zack's acute appendicitus & resulting appendectomy right before Christmas, Christmas break spent with family, ticket for tinted windows, ect.  But there's too much to catch up too, so I'm not even going to try.

Currently, I'm needing to call DSI for a quote on shocks & struts & parking brake.  We noticed the tires on the Bug were wearing unevenly, so we took it to the Daily Driver for an alignment ($68).  Then we received the unfortunate news that an alignment wouldn't fix the problem & needed new shocks & struts & to fix the parking brake ($1200).  Ugh.

On positive side, sent a little 'thinking of you' note to sister-in-law.  Haven't received a response.  Am attempting to improve the relationship.  We'll see how it goes since it takes effort on both people's part.  And frankly, I'm not really sure how much either of us care about making it better; we've kind of just gotten used to the fakey niceness when we're around each other crap.  But I figure I've at least tried to make a peace/truce gesture & that's a start.  Probably never going to be that great of friends though.  I think we're too different personality wise & have very different priorities & values.

Thanksgiving is almost here!

Not that this is news to anyone, but it's almost Thanksgiving!  It's always a busy time of year, getting food ready, planning strategy so as not to gain ten pounds in a weekend, and travel.

Both mine & hubby's family come from the same town, so we always have two Thanksgivings. 

Not really sure where this post is going.

I suppose I should write something coherent now

Oh well, probably not going to happen.  I'm excited to see hubby tonight- his Thanksgiving break started this afternoon!

Decisions, Decisions

My adventures with moving, selling a house, buying & fixing a car, and hauling things seem to have slowed down substantially.  Whew.

Now we're in the process of deciding what I'm going to do for the next (give or take) three years.  I have two choices:

A:  Keep the very good job that I currently have and continue living with my parents.  Positives: Job is well--paying, flexible schedule, continuous, boarding for horse partially/completely paid for; able to completely pay for school as we go, able to save for down payment on house/acreage.  Negatives:  Living apart from husband, traveling every weekend, missing family events.

B:  Find a job & move to Des Moines.  Positives: would live with hubby, new city-opportunities to meet new people, new places, ect.  Negatives:  Finding a new job in DM, missing family events, horse board more expensive, will need to find new job again when hubby's done with school; school loan debt (not likely to find a job that pays as well as current job), will need work longer after hubby's done with school to pay off loans & save-so will need to start family later.

Personally, I'm leaning towards option A- it will require some sacrifices, but I think we'd be in a better position after hubby's done with school- I think it is more in line with our goal of owning an acreage, being debt (except for mortgage) free, starting a family, and being a stay-at-home mom.

And incidentally, I hate spelling the word decisions!  For some reason, it never looks like it's spelled correctly.

Becoming a Truck Driver

Growing up, I wanted to try every career possible.  Chef, airline stewardess, vet, truckdriver, ect.  Some of those I wanted to do as a long-term career (vet) and some I only wanted to try.  I wanted to be an airline stewardess for 2-3 years so I could travel everywhere.  I only wanted to be a truck driver for a day- just to see what it would be like.

In a somewhat limited way, I got to be truckdriver the past two weekends.  Granted, it was no semi & definitely not as long as a semi-trailer, but it was quite a bit bigger than anything I've ever hauled.  One weekend I hauled a 25 foot culvert back from DM for my brother (it stuck off the trailer on both ends & I had to be careful turning left so the culvert didn't ram into the back of the truck).  I think that is the closest I want to get to being a truckdriver.  It was scary!

Then I picked up a snow plow from DM.  That was quite a bit simpler as it fit into the back of the truck bed.

I got one item crossed of my (non-existent) bucket list!